The Dog's Diary: Treats & Petting
by Natmonkey
Summary: The second entry in Stubbs' diary. Find out what he was up to while Astoreth was doing during her drunken bonding with Alistair.


I've been with the lady for a while now. She is so nice to me! So I find her presents. Human food they call cake, things humans put on to keep warm. They need to grow themselves some fur. But I'm not complaining; the lady feels nice when she hugs me. I like cuddling. Makes my tail wag. Could do it for a long time.

There are many humans in this place, and they're all scared. I can smell it on them. Poor humans. We went into a house, full of humans! It smelled funny in there. Even got into another fight. But afterwards someone came with us. A human female, with orange fur on her head. She talks funny. I like that. She even called me a handsome dog. The angry female doesn't like her, I think. Big surprise. The angry female doesn't like anyone, not even the lady. Not even _me_.

I think the lady and the male are becoming good friends. The females got sent away by the lady, even. She wanted to be alone with him. Not without me, she wasn't. They got close to each other and talked. About dead friends. The male was sad, then the lady got sad. I got a treat. Then the lady left and returned with two big things, white foamy stuff brimming over them. So this is where that funny smell comes from.

She sent me away to see what the angry female is doing. I think it's safe to leave the lady alone with the male; he likes her as much as I do. If he knows what's good for him, he won't try to mate with the lady. Unless she wants to, I guess. Then it's fine.

* * *

There's the angry female. She's crouching on the ground, back turned to me. "Hi!" I sit behind her. "What are you doing?"

She turns, a bunch of plants and something metal in her hand. "Ah, 'tis you. Your mistress sent you to spy on me, didn't she?"

Yes, she did. "The lady wanted to know how you were doing."

"How very kind of her." The female laughs and puts the plants in a bag. This must be why she always smells like plants. "Well then, shall we go?" She stands and looks at me with her yellow eyes. Humans normally don't have yellow eyes. A little scary.

"Okay, but I have to do something first." I run over to the big tree I just saw. Wow. That's a big tree. I'm going to pee on it and then this place will be mine. Because it smells like me. Ah, that's a relief. Now I, Stubbs, am the dominant dog here. "All done!"

"Establishing your dominance, I see." The angry female pats my head. She never does that. "Good dog."

This is weird. "Thanks, angry female."

"_Morrigan_! My name is Morrigan!" The angry shouting is normal. That's why I call her the angry female. But it's nice to have someone who can actually understand what I say. But wait, I smell something. Something bad.

I bump her hand with my snout. "Angry female!"

"Oh, what is it now?" She sighs and gives me another angry look.

"It's them! Darkspawn! They're here!"

The angry female folds her arms. Her really thin arms. No meat on them. "And?"

"If we kill them, the lady will be really proud." And I can get some more petting and treats. "And you can do that thing where they scream and turn blue and die."

She laughs. Even that sounds a little angry. "I certainly would not mind unleashing my powers. Come then."

* * *

These darkspawn were so easy. The angry female did some wavy things with her arms and that strange stick she carries, and they all died. That is so neat, I wish I could do that too. Then I would be cleaner and the lady wouldn't say I stink. Blood is stinky; I can't help it.

"Hey look! Little humans!" I walk up to one and sniff it. Okay, it's safe. Smells fine.

"Well, aren't you a nice dog?" The little human pats my head. "Say thank you to the nice dog, Sandal."

The other little human, with big ears, comes closer and carefully touches my nose. "Thank you, nice dog." I like these little humans already. They seem nice. I bet the lady would really like them. I should bring them to her as a present.

"And you of course, ma'am," the first small man says. "We really appreciate the aid you've given us."

"I did not come to your aid, _dwarf_." Angry again. "If you cannot defend yourselves, you deserve to be killed by these creatures. Now run along before I do it for them."

The small humans gasp. "M-my word!" the first says. "Come Sandal, let's leave before this woman kills us." Holding hands they run away.

"Bye, dog!" the big-eared one says and waves. He looks happy.

"Why did you do that, angry female?" I growl at her. "They did nothing to you and the lady would have loved these little people!"

She raises her shoulders. "Trust me, dog, they would not have added anything to the story."

"Story?" I tilt my head. "What story?" Suddenly I pick up the scent of flowers. The other female. She smells like flowers.

"There you are!" she says with that funny voice of hers. "I was looking for you."

I sit on my hind legs, front legs in the air. Humans go crazy for this. "Hi!"

The female claps her hands together. "Oh, who is a good dog?" She begins firmly rubbing me between the ears with one hand, the other stroking my chest. Yes, pet me. "You're such a handsome dog, yes you are. Look at what I found you!"

Gasp! It's a bone! It's even got some meat on it still. "Thank you!" Ooh, good bone. Yum! This female is now my second most favourite human now. I think I'll call her nice female. The humans are talking, but I can't listen. Too busy. Mmm. I know this taste. The man who took care of me before used to feed me this. He said it comes from sheep. I've never seen a sheep. They taste good.

"Come along, Stubbs." The angry female puts her hand on my head. "The Chantry sister has something she _insists_ on showing us."

I don't mind a little walk. As long as I have my bone, I'm all good! Better save a bit for later. Whoa... I nearly dropped my bone. There in that cage is the _biggest human I've ever seen_! "That's a big human!" He must be... Four mabari high. All standing on their hind legs! At least I think it's a male; females are usually a lot smaller.

"This is no human, silly dog." The angry female looks at the male with big eyes. "'Tis a qunari."

I tilt my head. "A what? Looks human to me. A bit big maybe."

"Do you think he might be useful to the Wardens?" the nice female asks the angry one. "At the very least I think he should not starve to death in this cage."

"I agree." The angry female nods. What a weird day; she never agrees with anyone and never pets me. And today she did both. "This is a proud and powerful creature, not meant to serve as prey for the darkspawn."

This big human looks hungry. His stomach growls. I stick my bone between the bars of his cage. "Want some of my bone?"

He pushes it back out. "A kind offer, but I must decline. My kind has no use for bones." Yes, this is a male. Females have much squeakier voices.

"Okay. All the more for me. Angry female, can we find the lady now?" Nobody pets like the lady.

The angry female gives me an angry look. "I told you... Oh, never mind. Yes, let us find your mistress."

* * *

The lady is now sitting on the male. Should I be jealous? Meh, no. She likes me much better anyway. I'm way cuter than he is. I think the lady wants that big human to come with us too. The male and the angry female are fighting again. They never stop. Maybe they like each other.

The male says he would sooner fall in love with me than the angry female. That's icky. I don't blame him, because she's not very nice and I am, but... "Ew!" Humans and dogs shouldn't mate. Ever.

* * *

This place is funny. There are humans in tin cans here. Isn't that funny? I think it's funny. And humans that look just like the nice female. Well, from the neck down. The lady and her friends are talking to some wrinkly, grey-haired human. I sit down when my friends get on their knees. The angry female stayed in the funny-smelling house. She must not like it here.

The wrinkly human is saying stuff about some maker. A maker of what? Something good, I hope. Like food! A maker of food. That must be it. There is nothing better than food. Well, petting maybe. Oh, going already? Too bad. The tin humans are funny.

* * *

The big human is still in his cage and the lady lets him out. She's too busy talking to pet me. Pooh. And I could use some belly rubbing. But the nice female isn't busy. I bump my head against her hand and give her the puppy look. It works!

I get on my back for my belly rubbing. The nice female runs her hands over my tummy in long strokes. She's so good at petting. Joy.

"Look, Stubbs, I have something for you," the female suddenly says. I look up and see a nice piece of meat dangling above my nose. Oh boy, I'm getting so many treats! Treats and petting, what more could a mabari want?


End file.
